1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
