no you cant smoke seaweed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
