Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
