Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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