I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's rum buckets o'clock
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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