If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
