I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
