I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
