And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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