Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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