I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
