it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
