I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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