Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
