My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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