yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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