Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
