Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
