Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
