Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ruined the universe
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
