I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
