K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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