she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize