I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
