So drunk its hurt
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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