Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
