Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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