so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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