If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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