im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
