New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was like getting head from an anaconda
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
