apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
