But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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