you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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