Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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