I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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