Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
