I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
