i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
