His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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