I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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