he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
