if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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