so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
