Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
