i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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