I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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