I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
