i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
