If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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