Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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