yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
In America we eat man semen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
