I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
