I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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