i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
