Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
