I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
