If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
