I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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