Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
