I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
