We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
