he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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