I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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