I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
