there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
