My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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