i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
