I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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