somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize