Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so let's talk penis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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