She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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