New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
