none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it was like eating out sand paper
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
