I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
