I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
