Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
