I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
